I was raised Catholic. I
remember growing up believing in God and praying and talking to him at
times as a child. I remember going to church every Sunday and going
through the motions. There was no real connection; no relationship with
Christ. As I got older, the absence of a true relationship with Jesus
was evident and I was oblivious to it. Then one day, at the age of 15, a
friend I grew up with invited me to a Christian church. I honestly
didn't even know what Christian church was about at the time but for
some reason I said yes without hesitation. The following Sunday we
attended and I put my faith in Jesus and began a relationship.
For awhile I began to attend church on a regular basis, participated in ministries, and attended weekly Bible studies. I believed in Jesus but I did not grow in Him; I was living a double life. When I was at church or participating in anything church related, I was all in; however, outside of church throughout the week, temptation and worldly influences would easily distract and consume me. At the time I didn’t understand the significance of it. I thought I was truly following Christ but as I looked back, I was far from it. I do remember times where all I wanted to do was to serve and follow Jesus, and there were fruits of my walk but I so often easily gave into a worldly life. I was not grounded in the Word. I was no different than those of the world; as a matter of fact, I was worse--I was a hypocrite. Jesus says in Luke 9:62 that, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
For awhile I began to attend church on a regular basis, participated in ministries, and attended weekly Bible studies. I believed in Jesus but I did not grow in Him; I was living a double life. When I was at church or participating in anything church related, I was all in; however, outside of church throughout the week, temptation and worldly influences would easily distract and consume me. At the time I didn’t understand the significance of it. I thought I was truly following Christ but as I looked back, I was far from it. I do remember times where all I wanted to do was to serve and follow Jesus, and there were fruits of my walk but I so often easily gave into a worldly life. I was not grounded in the Word. I was no different than those of the world; as a matter of fact, I was worse--I was a hypocrite. Jesus says in Luke 9:62 that, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."
As
I grew into my later teens and into my 20’s my life began to spiral out
of control. I began to abuse marijuana and then alcohol. By my mid
20’s I had become a full blown self-denied alcoholic. I did not care
who I hurt and how I did it. I spent several nights and even weeks in
jail, wrecked a vehicle and survived without a scratch by God’s mercy
and grace alone, attended rehab several times and still continued down
my destructive path. Men truly love the darkness as John 3:19 says.
Anytime my family or friends would reach out to me I felt ashamed,
defensive, and angry. Where there is shame it is easy to comfortably
hide in the darkness. Next thing you know, I’m where I belonged,
broken, depressed and at rock bottom. I had completely abandoned Christianity and I felt hopeless. I began to seriously evaluate my life
and by God’s grace he opened my eyes to the destructive life style I
have been living.
One
night I began to pray…seriously pray with repentance asking God to
intervene, to help me because I couldn’t help myself and if I didn’t
turn to him I felt like I was literally going to die. It wasn’t until I
reached the end of myself that I finally looked to God. Praise him for
that! I asked God for forgiveness and dedicated my life to Jesus. I
wanted to abandon all of my evil ways and my own efforts and put my
complete trust in Jesus Christ. I picked up my Bible and I began to
read the book of Job. One day of Bible reading then turned into several
days, days then turned to weeks, weeks to months. Next thing you know I
was reading my Bible on a daily basis consistently along with other
Christian books. However, I was still not attending a church and I
would watch online services sporadically. The more I read the more I
realized the Bible and the Spirit commanding me to attend a church and
be part of the Body of Christ. So I went back to my old church. I
attended that for several months but I felt God telling me that there
was somewhere else he wanted me to be.
I began to explore other options, one other to be exact, McLean Bible Church. I have never been to a church this size and it was extremely intimidating. After years of being out of church I felt extremely hesitant to attend a church this size. I would almost try and talk myself out of attending MBC saying that I would only get lost in such a big church. But, praise God for his persistence and steadfast love. He kept at me so I walked in one Sunday morning mid service here at MBC and watched part of Lon’s sermon on the TV’s in the main lobby and then walked out. I didn’t go back for a few weeks; but, again, God remained persistent and he kept telling me that this is where I belonged. I finally submitted to his will and attended a 9AM service. As soon as I walked in the auditorium I felt the Spirit consume me. I thought to myself, “This is it, I’m where I need to be.”
I began to explore other options, one other to be exact, McLean Bible Church. I have never been to a church this size and it was extremely intimidating. After years of being out of church I felt extremely hesitant to attend a church this size. I would almost try and talk myself out of attending MBC saying that I would only get lost in such a big church. But, praise God for his persistence and steadfast love. He kept at me so I walked in one Sunday morning mid service here at MBC and watched part of Lon’s sermon on the TV’s in the main lobby and then walked out. I didn’t go back for a few weeks; but, again, God remained persistent and he kept telling me that this is where I belonged. I finally submitted to his will and attended a 9AM service. As soon as I walked in the auditorium I felt the Spirit consume me. I thought to myself, “This is it, I’m where I need to be.”
I
have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ
who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith
in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20
Steve
(accepted Christ in 1995, living for God since 2008)
Galatians 2:20
Steve
(accepted Christ in 1995, living for God since 2008)
