Friday, March 7, 2014

From Bondage to Freedom

When I was in High School, I remember walking through the halls with a friend of mine who was on the fence about Christianity. "I would like to become a Christian and I really do believe that Christ died for me" she said, "but I don't like the idea of not being able to do what I want. I like to have sex with my boyfriend and I like to get drunk. Why would I want to give that up just to become a Christian? I feel like I would be giving up my freedom because God is constantly saying 'No' to the things I want to do." Because I was like a Pharisee in High School, living by a set of rules and regulations rather than focusing on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I could kind of see her point. I was stumped and, whether or not I was willing to admit it, I spent the next 10 years, or so, thinking about what she said.

I saved myself for marriage. I didn't drink until I was 21. I tried not to cheat, studied hard, got good grades, was respectful to my elders, was a relatively loyal and honest friend and, most of all, I was full of pride. I thought that these acts of "goodness" made me more worthy of Christ's love even though the Bible that I clutched walking to class was chock full of stories about lowly sinners who fell on their knees before The Lord. And yet He still called them His own. He said very clearly to them, "Go and sin no more" (John 8:11).

As I continued to ponder that girl's statement, year by year, something happened in me. I began to become bitter and resentful. I thought to myself, "Lord, I have done everything you wanted me to and I'm not happy! I am not happy in my marriage, I'm not happy in my work, I'm not happy with my appearance and I certainly don't feel any peace or tranquility like you described you would give to your followers." I stamped my foot at God over and over until, one day, I snapped! I thought, "Forget about playing by the rules! I am going to do what I want! God will forgive me, anyway! He has said 'No' to me for too long, so I am going to make my life all about 'Yes'. I want to be free!

I drank, I partied, I cheated, I slandered, I lied, broke rules and I became the sorority girl I had always secretly envied. I did all the things that I always swore I could/would never do. And after all of that...I felt more in bondage than ever before! I was a slave to my sin. I had visions of the woman at the well, described in John 4 and the woman caught in the act of adultery in John 8 and Saul after his encounter with Jesus, described in John 9. They were terrible sinners, like myself (and like all of us) and their eyes were finally opened to their enslavement. They saw that, in Christ alone, they could experience freedom. That's what happened to me.

Psalm 73:26 says, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." I had to truly hit rock bottom to understand that verse. Everything in my body, heart and life failed me. But the Lord took a lowly sinner, such as I, and brought me out of the pit. I finally began to realize that God doesn't say "no" to us simply to be a tyrant! He isn't pointing His finger and giving us a set of rules to puff up His own ego. He is GOD OF THE UNIVERSE. He is fully secure and in control. He sets out commandments to give us freedom-- freedom in Him to live a glorious and rich life, a life that brings joy through death to self and fleshly desires.

As I am entering my eighth month of sobriety after struggling with alcoholism, a good friend of mine gave me some sound advice after I was tempted to drink one night. "Misty," she said, "being sober isn't about what you're saying "no" to (a nice glass of wine), it's about what you're saying "yes" to, which is being one with Christ, obeying The Lord and seeking fellowship with him when you feel alone and overcome by your desire to drink." I couldn't agree more. Her true statement is going to stick with me for years.

I am now experiencing the "yes" of life in Christ! As I seek Him, He meets me in my darkest hour. No one is too far gone. We are all desperately in need of a Savior. A Savior who will give freedom from bondage.

Misty
(accepted Christ in 1987, living for God since 2012)