The End of Myself

I was raised Catholic.  I remember growing up believing in God and praying and talking to him at times as a child.  I remember going to church every Sunday and going through the motions.  There was no real connection; no relationship with Christ.  As I got older, the absence of a true relationship with Jesus was evident and I was oblivious to it.  Then one day, at the age of 15, a friend I grew up with invited me to a Christian church.  I honestly didn't even know what Christian church was about at the time but for some reason I said yes without hesitation.  The following Sunday we attended and I put my faith in Jesus and began a relationship.

For awhile I began to attend church on a regular basis, participated in ministries, and attended weekly Bible studies.  I believed in Jesus but I did not grow in Him; I was living a double life.  When I was at church or participating in anything church related, I was all in; however, outside of church throughout the week, temptation and worldly influences would easily distract and consume me.  At the time I didn’t understand the significance of it.  I thought I was truly following Christ but as I looked back, I was far from it.  I do remember times where all I wanted to do was to serve and follow Jesus, and there were fruits of my walk but I so often easily gave into a worldly life.  I was not grounded in the Word.  I was no different than those of the world; as a matter of fact, I was worse--I was a hypocrite.  Jesus says in Luke 9:62 that, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God."  

As I grew into my later teens and into my 20’s my life began to spiral out of control.  I began to abuse marijuana and then alcohol.  By my mid 20’s I had become a full blown self-denied alcoholic.  I did not care who I hurt and how I did it.  I spent several nights and even weeks in jail, wrecked a vehicle and survived without a scratch by God’s mercy and grace alone, attended rehab several times and still continued down my destructive path.  Men truly love the darkness as John 3:19 says.  Anytime my family or friends would reach out to me I felt ashamed, defensive, and angry.  Where there is shame it is easy to comfortably hide in the darkness.  Next thing you know, I’m where I belonged, broken, depressed and at rock bottom.  I had completely abandoned Christianity and I felt hopeless.  I began to seriously evaluate my life and by God’s grace he opened my eyes to the destructive life style I have been living.  

One night I began to pray…seriously pray with repentance asking God to intervene, to help me because I couldn’t help myself and if I didn’t turn to him I felt like I was literally going to die.  It wasn’t until I reached the end of myself that I finally looked to God.  Praise him for that!  I asked God for forgiveness and dedicated my life to Jesus.  I wanted to abandon all of my evil ways and my own efforts and put my complete trust in Jesus Christ.  I picked up my Bible and I began to read the book of Job.  One day of Bible reading then turned into several days, days then turned to weeks, weeks to months.  Next thing you know I was reading my Bible on a daily basis consistently along with other Christian books.  However, I was still not attending a church and I would watch online services sporadically.  The more I read the more I realized the Bible and the Spirit commanding me to attend a church and be part of the Body of Christ.  So I went back to my old church.  I attended that for several months but I felt God telling me that there was somewhere else he wanted me to be.

I began to explore other options, one other to be exact, McLean Bible Church.  I have never been to a church this size and it was extremely intimidating.  After years of being out of church I felt extremely hesitant to attend a church this size.  I would almost try and talk myself out of attending MBC saying that I would only get lost in such a big church.  But, praise God for his persistence and steadfast love.  He kept at me so I walked in one Sunday morning mid service here at MBC and watched part of Lon’s sermon on the TV’s in the main lobby and then walked out.  I didn’t go back for a few weeks; but, again, God remained persistent and he kept telling me that this is where I belonged.  I finally submitted to his will and attended a 9AM service.  As soon as I walked in the auditorium I felt the Spirit consume me.  I thought to myself, “This is it, I’m where I need to be.”

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

Steve
(accepted Christ in 1995, living for God since 2008)

Send Me a Guru

I was always a believer in God, but not in Jesus Christ.  I became very interested in spiritual things when I was a teenager and lived in the self-help and religious sections of Barnes and Noble.  I had only been to a Christian church a few times in my life and had acquired my mother's doubts about the Bible even though I had never read it for myself.  As I got older, I became desperate and prayed to God for a guru.  Of course I was expecting a little Indian man to come into my life and reveal the mysteries of the universe to me, but the Lord sent me a little African woman who was full of the Holy Ghost.  The last place I wanted to find God was in church! There was no power in the Bible, (I thought).  However, she was so persistent that I ended up going to church with her.  I couldn't believe that people were reading the Bible literally! It was very interesting to me. 

As Jesus became more and more real to me and I became born-again, the boyfriend I had at the time became very hostile about my new-found faith.  He even put a huge walking stick up to my eye and told me to say that I loved Jesus.  It was definite warfare!  I had made the decision that I was going to sell out to the "dark side" because being "good" didn't pay. Within hours of making that decision, my life was threatened and  I questioned whether this invisible God could deliver me from these circumstances.  Soon I was laying in an emergency room waiting to be seen to find out the damage that had been done.  As I lay there, a peace came over me like I had never known.  I began singing songs that I had sung in church, but somehow I knew all the words.  I was having a hard time breathing, but every time I would be gasping for air, the Lord would tell me, 

"Don't think about your problems, think about Me and what I can do, I can move mountains!" This would calm me down and I would be able to breathe.  

After the doctors had taken x-rays and checked me over, I was praying at my bed and they came over with many other nurses and people and told me that they were in shock that I was still conscious because I was operating on one lung.  They told me that I must be in excellent health. They then proceeded to tell me that they would have to operate and insert a chest tube to inflate my other lung and that they had never had anyone conscious before this procedure was done.  This was God's supernatural hand on my life, I can tell you I wasn't in excellent health, my lungs had been ingesting marijuana smoke for years prior.  This was the peace of God that surpasses all understanding and that is the only way to explain any of it! It was miraculous. This event began my true walk of faith in Christ Jesus!I haven't been the same since He touched my life and it only gets better and better! He moves us from glory to glory!!!!!

Shanna 

(accepted Christ in 2000)